How Many Werewolves Does It Take To?
by itslikenature
Summary: Jake loses a bet to Bella and has to make good on the payup. However he wants it to work to his advantage, but Quil and Embry show up and that's when things go south.


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This was a one shot written for a fic swap at a Live Journal community I am a member of called BlackPack. I had fun writing this one and wanted to share it here. The prompts were:

**Three things I want to see:** Jacob, Quil and Embry being awesomely hilarious, Bella actually having fun for once in her life, La Push beach  
**Three things I don't want to see: **Cullens, imprinting, Bella pining over her poor Eddiekinz  
**Rated:** anything

Enjoy!!

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How Many Werewolves Does It Take To......?

It was a gloriously sunny day in La Push, and that's one of the reasons I was up early. The other reason was that I was on my way the beach to get things ready for my day with Bella. I had sort of promised her a day of lavished attention if she could name a certain part in the motor of the car I was rebuilding, little did I know that she had helped Charlie work on cars when she was a little girl. I mean how did I know she knew what the distributor cap was.

Normally we just carried on with this game of sorts about our ages, but yesterday I had to sweeten the anti and tell her if she got the question correct I would declare a Jacob Black holiday in her honor and treat her as queen for a day. If, however, she had gotten it wrong, she had to do the same for me, with me being the king of course.

I'll have to remember to have little talk with Charlie on the sly and find out what else he taught her, for future reference. But for now, I was busy getting everything ready, because she was going to feel like the Queen of Sheba after spending the day with me.

I grabbed my first hand full of items and headed toward the beach. I had a few Tiki torches and an old canopy that I had bought for five dollars at a garage sale the Clearwaters had after Harry died. My plan was to set up the canopy, so that Bella's delicate skin wouldn't burn, seeing as we would be at the beach the entire day, and the torches were just for a romantic effect.

The beach was deserted which wasn't a surprise with it being this early in the morning, so I whistled and hummed a tune as I began laying all the parts out for the canopy. As I carefully pulled each pole, cap, tie, and brace from the bag, I realized that there were no instructions. But this couldn't be very difficult, I mean it was four poles, braced, with a canvas covering on it.

Scratching my head, I looked at each piece and decided that I needed the longest poles first, but there were only three. So, seeing that there were four shorter poles, I decided they must be what I needed to start with, so I lay them out at in the places I thought would be the four corners of the canopy.

I was just about to look at the braces when I heard a commotion behind me.

"Hey Jakey! What's up my man?" Quil said, in an unusually annoying voice this morning. I really wasn't in the mood for his antics. I was on a mission for my woman.

"Hey guys. What are you two doing here this early in the morning?" I asked, not paying them any attention as I bent over to get another piece.

"Well, we were just in the neighborhood, you know passing by....and we heard you whistling a dainty little tune, so we thought we'd stop by and see what had you in such a good mood," Embry confessed, with the sound of restrained laughter bubbling from his mouth.

"I happen to be getting things ready for Bella. She's coming down to spend the day at the beach with me. I wanted to set this up so she wouldn't burn. She's spending _the entire _day with me," I said, hinting that they needed to be getting on along with they're own business.

I looked up just in time to see Quil elbowing Embry who was covering his mouth to stifle that laugh. The look on their faces told me I wasn't getting rid of them anytime soon, so I decided to use it to my favor and put their gigglie butts to work.

"All right then, if you two are going to be hanging around, get over here and help me. Maybe with three heads we can figure out how to put this stupid thing together before she gets here. I still have to go make our picnic lunch," I said, and immediately wished I hadn't.

The word food around these two overgrown huskies was a mistake. They would be wanting to hang around now and see if we had leftovers. Oh well, if they actually helped me, maybe I'd make them a couple sandwiches each and _throw the dogs a bone_, so to speak, so they would leave me and Bella alone.

And right on cue, they looked at me like I had said a magic word, licked their lips, rubbed their hands together, and asked where they could start. They're mutts, I tell you, mutts, I thought to myself.

"Okay, well, this thing didn't have any instructions, but I don't think it can be that difficult, it should be four poles with top on it, staked to the ground," I said full of confidence.

"Well, I think this pole should be the first one you use. It has a green dot on it and green means go," Embry said laughing.

"No, you idiot. This is the first pole, because there are four that are the same lengths. Besides, I already have them laid out. See," I said pointing to the poles on the ground.

"Jakey, Jakey, Jakey. You can't start with the smallest poles. You have to use the large ones. They are the strongest and will hold up the weight to the tent thing. Then the smaller ones will go around the upper frame, like so," Quil remarked with his almighty wisdom in overdrive.

"Quil. That. Will. Not. Work. There are only three large ones. So what am I supposed to use for the fourth?" I said, waiving my hands in the air. They were starting to piss me off royally.

"Let me see," Quil said, eyeing the pieces again.

In the mean time, I bent over and picked up one of the larger poles, to examine the locking mechanism. I decide that this might possibly be the first pole I needed, but I sure as heck wasn't going to tell the _wise one _over there, so I tucked it under my arm, like you would a ski pole. I bent down and picked up another large pole and was about to check its lock when I heard the two stooges arguing over something behind me.

When I stood up and turned around, I forgot I still had the pole under my arm, so it landed right up side Quil's big head, knocking him backwards, causing him to fall over Embry who had squatted down to look at the other parts.

I couldn't help it. I busted out laughing so hard at the sight of Quil lying on the ground in front of Embry with his feet in the air, over Embry's shoulder, with his butt in Embry's face. This wasn't a good thing though, because they were both mad now. Embry jumped up, shoving Quil's legs causing him to do a backward's somersault in the sand.

I was now on my knees, on the ground, laughing so hard my eyes were watering, and that made things even worse.

"What the hell you laughing at Jake? You are the one who hit me in the freaking head," Quil said, rubbing the knot that had already formed on his hard head. Thank goodness we healed quickly.

"I'm...I'm....ha, ha, ha, I'm sorry man. I just....the sight of you with your legs in the air and butt in his face...." I was a goner. I couldn't stop laughing.

So before long, the three of us were roaring and the sound was echoing off the trees and cliffs. We hadn't laughed this hard since Embry fell asleep at my house and Quil and I painted his fingernails with Rachel and Rebecca's old red nail polish.

When we finally composed ourselves enough to get back to work, we decided to try a new strategy. Embry suggested starting at the top and working our way down. So we lay the canopy top out on the beach, and each of us smoothed out the edge nearest to us.

We each picked up a long pole, even though we seemed to be missing one, and walked back to a corner of the canopy.

"Okay, boys, listen and learn," Quil announced. "You want to put the round pole into the hole at the top of the canopy."

"No, Quil. You can't!" Embry yelled.

"And why pray tell can't you Mr. Know It All?" Quil chimed back at him.

"Because you big moron. You can't put a big fat round one into a square one," Embry said. Now he was getting really angry. I've never seen Embry that angry before, except after the nail polish incident.

"Are you trying to tell me that yours is bigger than mine? Cause mine_ fit just fine_. _Right. In. The. Hole."_

"Well maybe I am telling you that mine is bigger than yours. Mr. Ass," Embry retorted.

"Hey! You two knock it off! I have to get this thing up before Bella gets here. Now let's do this. Surely between the three of us we can figure this out. After all we are superhuman werewolves for goodness sake," I said, again flinging my arms into the air.

So we all got a pole, and started trying to fit it into various holes and holders on the canopy. Embry and I had no luck. I started chuckling again and they asked what was causing the ruckus, it just spilled out in a fit of laughter, "Quil...ha, ha, ha, I think....ha, ha, mine is bigger than yours too. It just won't fit," I couldn't help it, he deserved that one.

However, this made him mad and before I knew it he was wrapping his pole around my neck and bending it like a licorice rope. I of course wasn't having any part of it, so I busted out and shoved him down on the sand. Before I knew it we where all three in a dog, or should I say wolf pile, and fist and fur was flying.

It wasn't until we heard the sound of laughter tinkling in the distance that we realized that we had an audience. We all three quickly stood up, our clothes hanging from our bodies in rags, and looked around to see Bella doubled over laughing her head off.

I was mad at these two so-called _best friends _of mine, but seeing Bella laughing so hard was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen, so my hostilities were soon forgotten.

"I'm sorry Bella. I wanted to have this up by the time you got here. But, I, um, I'm having a little trouble," I confessed.

She was still bent over laughing, so I went to her and pulled her into my arms. When I finally got her to stop laughing, she told me she had watched the entire thing from the side lines. And that made me mad at my two _best friends _again.

"Bella, you wait here. I'll be right back," I said, stomping through the sand as I made my way back to where the stooges were waiting.

"What?" Quil asked, when I got close to them.

"This is going to be a good day. A great day for Bella and for me, so when I get back with _our_ food you better have this piece of canvas stretched and up, or so help me, I'll kick both your butts all the way to Forks. Got it! _Friends_!" They both nodded and I turned and walked back to Bella.

"Jake, don't be too...."

"Nope. Don't want to hear it. They caused this mess, they are gonna fix it. You wait here while I go get out picnic lunch. I'll be right back," I said, wheeling around and running back to my house.

When I got back, I was very surprised to see Bella sitting gracefully under the shade of the canopy, which was now stretched and standing. It wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it would have to work. I'd just ignore them all day. Yeah, cause standing in the place of the broken poles that had been wrapped around various bodies at various times during our disagreement, were Embry and Quil, holding the canopy up like good little boys, with the Tiki torches in place and lit.

Bella just looked at me and smiled, while I spread out a blanket, and began laying out a smorgasbord of cheese, fruit, and sandwiches. I had even opened a bottle of sparkling grape juice for us to drink as we celebrated Bella being queen for a day.

And yes I let the smell of the food waft right toward their noses, and made sure I made a lot of noise when I poured the grape juice, just to drive them crazy. But all in all they were good sports. They didn't cave until I started feeding Bella the grapes later in the day and they said they couldn't take it any more. Embry held up the entire canopy in the center, while Quil ran to the woods nearby and got two long limbs, quickly returning and placing them where the poles should have been in the first place.

They each grabbed a handful of sandwiches and stormed off saying something about _having a sorry best friend_. But I didn't mind, over all Bella and I had been having the time of our lives. She was my queen and I was her king for a few more hours. And right before sundown, I let her know how much she really meant to me, as we buried ourselves in a sea of blankets right there on the sand of the beach in La Push.


End file.
